wrote this about 8 weeks ago and never put it on my blog was saved in my "drafts" -- enjoyed reading back thru it and being reminded of this awesome blessing:
The past few months have been so humbling. There are some things that I've been in prayer about, and I mean drop down on my knees begging God to show me what to do, to give me answers, to give me a sign....I've asked God to tell me what to do about my career and my being a mother. I've been torn with making the change. As much as I've always wanted to just be a MOM, I love working and I love 'parts' of my job. However, I love my kids more than ANY of that so I put my faith in God, prayed and prayed and prayed about it and one day woke up and realized the answer had been there all along. I turned in my notice at work at the beginning of April and my last day was May 4th. I have agreed to stay part-time and work out of my home some but ultimately I'm devoting my time to my kids and my husband. I'm only a few days into it and all I can say is I feel SO BLESSED. I know being a stay at home mom isn't going to be easy and I will work harder than I ever did at my career, but the reward is so much greater and I already see it. I am thankful for the support from Will and our families, I am thankful that I have learned to really trust in God's plan and his timing thru all of this, and I am thankful for each day, month, and years to come.
...I've asked God to help with me some struggles I've had in a couple of friendships. I've fretted, lost sleep, cried, and been truly angry over this. It's something that has been on my heart for almost two years and just this week I think I've seen the light. :) I had a dear friend tell me yesterday that she had "misjudged me" - I feel very honored that she would admit this to me, not sure all the way what all she meant by that but she did say that one reason was because of the company that I had been keeping. (Meaning one of the friends I ran around with....just so happened to be one of the friends that has caused me all this grief.) So all this time I worried and fretting over this person only to find out someone else didn't much care for me because they thought I might be like her. WOW! Maybe that's my sign, I don't want to be like her. I know I don't, and I don't want others to not like me because of her either. I have to say that it brought me the full circle to open my eyes and realize, "She's not worth my worries and stress" God calls me to love her as my sister and to be an example and nothing more. If I am letting her get between me and God then I'm not living right. I have been letting this struggle come between my personal growth and my ultimate goals. My eyes were opened and again I felt BLESSED. God gave me a new-found friend and one that I know will be honest and I can trust 100%. Then it happened again today, I was visiting with a dear friend of mine. She is about 20 yrs older than me and has just been an amazing influence on my life. I was telling her about me seeing the "light" and she told me that every night she prays to God that she did good today. She says there's nights that she cries and asks for forgiveness....she says there's days when she prays all day for God to help her with her thoughts...and she said she prays for me because I am her dear friend.
So in a matter of two days I discovered I have two friends that see me for the person I am, and I don't have to do a thing. I don't have to work on it, they see my qualities and feel blessed by my friendship. She told me that I am loyal and trustworthy and that she has seen me grown in my faith by leaps and bounds. ...and I have to say it's nice to be lifted up and not stepped on and rubbed in the ground for a change.
So I will end this blog with a smile and a tear in my eye as I can say I feel blessed and honored to have given all of this to God and to look back and see where it's now ended up. GOD IS GOOD!
